6 Things You’re Doing That Make Your Bridesmaids Hate You (And How to Fix It!)

It’s the day you’ve always dreamed of. You’ve found your husband. You’ve bought the perfect dress. You’ve gotten every single detail absolutely perfect. And you’ve selected your best friends to stand next to you on your big day. Everything’s perfect, right?

Remember mere days after your husband-to-be popped the question, you sat with your girls indulging in one too many rounds of cocktails and glasses of wine, laughing over how much fun the wedding planning process will be? They all joked with you not to become the dreaded ‘Bridezilla’ and you swore you wouldn’t!

But unbeknownst to you, there were a few shifting eyes in that crowd. They love you, they really do… but they’ve seen how you get when planning a birthday party, or organizing all the details of your Monday wear costume. So they know you have a… tendency, to say the least. But they’re hopeful!

Being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honour – and your friends are totally grateful. Accepting an invitation to be a bridesmaid means you’re down for everything the bride is asking for, including extra friend duties. But there’s a point where the line can be crossed, and you can turn from a doting bride to a full on maniac – or at least that’s what your friends think.

It’s no secret that planning a wedding is hard, particularly on the bride and groom – so a little controlling behaviour is to be expected, but there are simple changes you can make to ensure you’re being the best possible bride (and friend!) to your bridesmaids, friends and family,

So whether you’re now embarking on your bridal adventure or you’re mere weeks away from your big day, take a read and stop Bridezilla in her tracks! Thanks us later!

1

IGNORING THEIR BUDGET:

While it’s your big day and you may think that there are no stops that shouldn’t be pulled out, your bridesmaids might not be on the same wavelength. In fact, they don’t really have to be doing all of this – but they’re choosing to because they love you and your husband-to-be.

That being said, when planning your wedding, and especially the responsibilities of the bridesmaids, be sure to keep their budget in mind. Opt for a more affordable dress option that all the girls can fit into their budget. Ensure your Maid of Honour knows to keep the other girls in mind when planning the costs of the bachelorette party. Leave some wriggle room to allow your friends the chance to afford everything, but also without putting pressure on them if they may not necessarily be able to.

That being said, if you have a particular vision in your mind of what you want for the wedding day, and you know it’s going to be more expensive than average, then either have a conversation with your girls straight up and ahead of time, or plan to dish out some money yourself to subsidise the costs. The last thing you want to do is have your friends start to resent you because they’ve blown a small fortune on a wedding that’s not even theirs.

2

ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE WEDDING:

Okay.. we get it. You’re happy, and you’re planning the biggest day of your life (thus far!). Planning a wedding can be exhausting and all-encompassing. Between choosing the date, venues, finalizing details like which type of bar to have, who you want to hire to capture the memories of your special day, and if you want to hire a wedding planner to keep everything in check – on top of searching for your dream dress, solidifying the retinue’s looks and going over (and over and over!) the dreaded guest list, it’s all you can think about.

BUT, don’t make it all you can talk about. It’s already tiring to have to go through the motions with you as a bridesmaid, but to hear about it when you’re “off the clock” is more than we can bear. While it’s all you’re likely going to think about for the next year or so as you plan your wedding, it’s not all that your bridesmaids will think about – and they have lives of their own.

Remember to ask about themselves: about their lives, their love lives, their jobs, their families. Showing them that you can think and talk about more than just your big day will make them so much more appreciative and willing to do the sacrifices they’re likely to make.

3

CHOOSING THE WRONG DRESS:

Chances are if you’re having numerous bridesmaids, they’ll all have different body shapes. And while you can’t please every single girl – and they’ll certainly all have their own opinions on styles, colours and cuts – it’s important that you choose the dress wisely. Bridesmaids’ dresses are notoriously ugly (and hey, they don’t have to be, it’s just the stigma!), so your girls aren’t expecting to hop out in the season’s latest styles – but they are hoping that they’re going to look somewhat acceptable so they’re not absolutely uncomfortable for the entire night.

With a million different body shapes, it’s more difficult than ever to find a dress that’ll flatter every single person, as well as staying within some sort of a budget, but there comes a point where you need to be considerate. Know your girls have more curves than the stick-thin models wearing the dress in the catalog? Might not be the best pick for you. Opt for flattering cuts that suit almost every body type and forgiving materials. That means that your ultra-fitted jersey material dress that shows every line, mark and dimple on your body might not be the best fit for your bridesmaids. But keep looking: there are so many options out there on the market – and worst case scenario, you can have something made by a local designer or seamstress, that way each girl is getting a custom-fit dress that’s sure to impress.

4

TREATING THEM LIKE SERVANTS:

Part of the responsibility of being a bridesmaid means lending a hand when some extra help is needed – whether it’s planning the perfect bachelorette party, helping to stuff wedding favours or more. And while your bridesmaids are aware that it comes with the territory, they still appreciate being asked once in a while.

The worst thing you can do as a Bridezilla (or just as a friend!) is assume people’s lives revolve around yours, and insisting they help or be somewhere without having the decency to ask first or to find a way to make it more enjoyable is a surefire way to make your girls dread the entire process.

Contrary to popular belief, weddings are more than just one single day – and the months of preparation, combined with wedding week events like rehearsal dinners and run-throughs of the ceremony take time and energy. And while your friends are happy to be there and do it, show some common courtesy and say thank you once in a while.

5

MICROMANAGING EVERY SINGLE TINY DETAIL:

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again… we get it! It’s your big day, and you’re hoping to only have to do this once. But there is nothing worse than a bride who’s hung up on every single tiny (and insignificant) detail. 

We once read a horror story about a bride who sent a list to her bridesmaids of what they could and couldn’t do – including have whiter teeth or a brighter smile than hers, have a better tan than her or even try to conceive during the year of her wedding planning (because she didn’t want a pregnant bridesmaid!). Don’t be her.

You likely have a vision of what you want for your wedding – but don’t get caught up on the nitty gritty details, especially when it comes to your bridesmaids. Commenting on what they style their hair like, what colour hair they rock, what kind of shoes or jewelry they wear or what type of makeup they apply can come across as aggressive – and while there’s nothing wrong with wanting all of your girls in updos or with neutral makeup, you have to remember that what works for one will not work for all, so a black smoky eye and a tight top knot might not be the best look for every bridesmaid.

And yes, it’s your day so does it even really matter what they think? While that’s (somewhat) true (but also kind of selfish), you have to remember that how confident they feel in their dress will come across in photos, videos and in real life – and the last thing you want is a bridesmaid that looks visibly uncomfortable on your whole day.

The important thing to remember too is that none of this matters. Ask any bride a year or two out from her wedding if it really makes a difference whether her bridesmaids wore the exact same pair of heels or not, and she’d likely laugh and tell you no. Most of the time, it’s not even worth the headache.

6

YOU HAVE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:

This one may be the hardest one to break of all, because you (and everyone around you) has built this day up for as long as you can remember. Think about it: every rom com shows the girl dreaming of her wedding from the age of five – and shows it working out to be the most perfect day of her dreams. But don’t let that fool you.

Your day will never be perfect. It’ll be perfect for you, because you’re surrounded with your closest friends and family and you’re absolutely in love – but at some point, something will go wrong and most of the times, it’s completely out of your control.

Try to shake it all off, because the only thing that matters during this time and especially on this day is you and your husband, and how much you love each other.

The XX Team

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