When you break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, there’s lots of tears involved, possibly some ice cream and quite usually some wine. But there’s something so much harder than saying goodbye to your significant other? Saying goodbye to your best friend.
A good best friend is a sister, mother, boyfriend, teacher and therapist all in one – and you are to them, too! But losing this one person can feel like losing countless important people in your life. It’s definitely not easy… but if there’s a good reason for ending the friendship, then you’re doing the right thing. Here’s how to make this sucky situation a little less sucky:
ALLOW YOURSELF TIME TO MOURN:
Just like breaking up with the love of your life, this person has had a major impact on your everyday life. Whether it’s the person you called to celebrate every up or cry for every down, or someone who just “got you”, you’re definitely going to feel a natural void. Spend time reflecting on your relationship – maybe even journal and think back to why this happened, realize how you could have handled the situation differently or just reinforce to yourself that this was the right decision. But take your time to mourn the loss of an important person in your life, the same way you would if you’d ended things with a significant other.
DON’T GO LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT:
This is the equivalent of the mantra “the only way to get over someone, is to get under someone else” – and while that may take your mind off of things, no one has found their true love that way and you can’t expect to find a true friend that way either. Try to exist in the same world you’re living in. Do things with your other good friends, either in a group setting or one-on-one.
But remember that you need this time to be clear of your ex-BFF, physically and mentally – so ditch the bad-talking and side-taking and just enjoy the company of friends.
PICK UP SOMETHING NEW JUST FOR YOU:
No, we don’t mean clothing – though retail therapy always helps! We mean trying a new hobby, a new activity or just going back to old ones you may have abandoned. Take some time to read some books, download a new podcast you’ve heard good things about, pick up a new sport or channel your free time into learning a new skill. Busying yourself with productive things will not only distract you from your heartache, but also better your life with it. Talk about a win/win.
BE A GOOD FRIEND STILL:
It’s so easy to get to a point where you’re pissed off, over the friendship and ready to take down your ex-BFF for being so horrible to you or ending the relationship. Stop. This isn’t the time to go around talking horribly about your ex-best to anyone who will listen – because chances are, it’ll just get back to them and make you seem a) a little psycho, and b) totally not over it. This also isn’t the time to go and spread all their secrets that they once shared in total BFF confidence.
Yes, while you two aren’t friends anymore, BFF code still upholds – and remember that anything you can do, she can do too.
So if you go around telling everyone about that deep dark secret no one but you two know, then you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll find out your dirty little secrets too.