After a bad breakup, sometimes all we want is to pick up the phone and be comforted – either with confirmation that he was a horrible human being, or just to have someone to hear us cry. Women are guilty of that a lot. We like to talk through decisions with friends, which is fine, but then we like to re-hash these situations over and over again, thinking about what we could have done differently, how it went, and on and on. While it’s natural to want to seek advice or wisdom from your friends and family after a breakup, there are definitely people you shouldn’t be reaching out to, no matter the case.
So while we’re vulnerable and looking for companionship, be sure to skip these numbers are you scroll through your contact list for support.
THE FRIENDS YOU MET THROUGH YOUR EX:
Post-breakup, calling a friend is definitely something that you want to do, and who can blame you? Sometimes you just need the guidance of someone who knows and cares for you, or maybe you just need someone to listen to you vent and cry. Either way, calling a friend is totally normal and sensible.
But when it comes to calling friends that you share with your ex, well, you should maybe skip it. Not only will it be difficult for them to offer unbiased advice because of their own friendship with your ex, but it’ll also put them in a very difficult and awkward situation. Friends you share with your ex may feel like they’re caught in the middle between the two of you, and if you’re a true friend, you’d never want your friends to choose sides.
YOUR EX’S EXES:
So we get it: you have something in common now, you both share an ex. You might think that reaching out to your ex’s past flames could be healing and therapeutic for you – you two get to discuss all the things he’s done wrong, figure out just why his past relationships didn’t work, and you can bond over a new mutual hatred of him. But this can be a toxic cycle to fall into, and you’ll end up bad-talking your ex for the sake of it with someone who may or may not be over this person already. Depending on how badly their relationship ended, your ex’s ex may not have your best interests at heart, and forming an ex-girlfriend’s club isn’t going to help either of you.
YOUR FAMILY/FRIEND WHO HATED YOUR EX:
You might think that it’s a good idea to reach out to that family member or friend who absolutely hated your ex. They didn’t approve, so they’d be perfect for a little ex-bashing, right? Wrong! In fact, calling this person soon after a breakup might not give you the satisfaction that you’re looking for.
Yes, this person can help you vent by discussing all of your ex’s horrible habits and traits, but they also might offer a “I told you so” stance, and in turn make you feel worse in the long run. Someone you love attacking your ability to choose a partner will only pour salt into an already-deep wound. We’re not saying avoid this person, but perhaps make sure they’re ready to be supportive, not judgmental.
LITERALLY ANY EX:
It’s possible that after a breakup, all you want to do is reach out to your new ex. Perhaps you’re looking for closure, or you want to figure out exactly what went wrong, or maybe you’re secretly hoping for a second chance. But whatever it is, you’ll want to avoid calling them if you’re really done for. Not only will it not help you move on, but you’ll risk looking like that crazy ex – the one who can’t get over their ex.
And beyond this ex, refrain from reaching out to past failed relationships unless you’re really and truly platonic friends. What you’ll get out of this is either a rebound that you shouldn’t engage in, or someone (with experience) confirming why your ex and you ended in the first place, and no one needs to go down that road.